Unwilling vegan

I am SO UPSET.

I ate this:

And then THIS happened:




















Then, I ate this:

Please see above picture of itchy red me.

I have almost died four times in the last two weeks.  I may be exaggerating a little.  But maybe not.  It's been bad.  Wtf, y'all, is this even legal??  I am on an all Pop Tart and coffee diet until further notice.