Best Valentine Ever.

7:30 a.m.  Valentine’s Day about 7 years ago (I’ve been working on this awhile, okay?)

 

Me:  What the fuck have you done?

 

Gus: Huh?

 

ME:  THERE IS A GOAT ON OUR PORCH.  A GOAT WITH ORANGE POLKA DOTS.

 

Gus:  You should probably get some sleep.  (I used to work nights.)

 

Me:  Seriously, you have got to see this.

 

*Ok, so this was going to be a picture of  said goat.  Unfortunately, someone has  sabotaged me and I can’t find the damn picture.   However, I googled “spray painted goat” and apparently this is  an act of terrorism and animal cruelty.  I had no idea I was part of an epidemic.   Sweet.

 

Gus:  Holy shit.

 

Me:  Did you spray paint that goat?  Because I think that might be illegal.

 

Gus:  Is that a sticker on its ass?

 

Me:  Yeah.   It says “do not remove.”

 

Gus: Can  I keep it?

 

Me:  Are you fucking kidding me?  Where did you get this goat?  WHY did you get this goat?

 

Gus:  I’m gonna try to catch it.

 

**He did not  catch it.  He claims that he doesn’t know  where it came from, nor who painted it and put a sticker on its goat-ass.  I have my doubts.  I went to sleep and when I got up the goat  was gone.  Gus was very upset about the loss.